


Everything

by mardi89



Category: Erkenci Kuş (TV)
Genre: Bedsharing, F/M, Mutual Pining, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 06:58:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19718530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mardi89/pseuds/mardi89
Summary: “Find me here and speak to meI want to feel youI need to hear youYou are the light that's leading meTo the place where I find peace again”





	Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Playlist -  
> I’ll Never Love Again - Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper  
> Duet - Rachael Yamagata ft. Ray LaMontagne  
> Everything - Lifehouse  
> Picture In A Frame - Tom Waits
> 
> *Inspired by the sneak peak scene for Ep 46*

It was the place that she used to dream about him. The place where she named him Albatross, where she first wrote about him, where she cried over losing him. So it was appropriate that it would also be the place where she lost her virginity.

In all honesty she always thought she would lose her virginity in her childhood bedroom, if for no other reason than she couldn’t imagine it happening anywhere else. But the thought of ever having sex vanished over a year ago, along with him. She’d written it only a few months after meeting him  _ “let him be the only one to touch me _ ”, and she meant it still. It had been two years since then, one year with him and one without. She spent a year feeling shameful for her lustful thoughts and a year feeling utterly hopeless in the knowledge that she’d never see him again, so she truly didn’t think it would happen for her.

The night didn’t start off on a good note, what with him calling her  _ neighbor.  _ She would be lying if she didn’t admit to being pleased that he so readily agreed to sleep in her room, but she was keeping her boundaries. It was her idea to put up the physical boundary (albeit a flimsy one) but still, she didn’t like what he implied by  _ neighbor _ . 

Her resentful feelings dissipated as soon as she heard his soft snores and saw his dark lashes flutter against his cheeks. He was so beautiful like this. He was always beautiful, but when he slept his outer appearance more closely matched his inner self. Soft, vulnerable, boyish, affectionate. Every time they had fallen asleep together he ended up snuggled in closer to her in some position or other. He had already crossed the blanket border by draping his right arm in the dip between her hip and ribcage. 

She didn’t move away, or put his arm back on his side. She just lay on her side, watching him sleep and feeling his body heat seep into her bones. A smile crept up on her face when she thought of what he said, about how he didn’t sleep well, especially indoors. But he always slept like a log when they fell asleep together. Some things never change.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been asleep when she woke with the feeling of being overheated. 

_ Why did I wear flannel pajamas to bed in June? _

But she quickly realized that wasn’t the reason she was so hot. It was the very large man pressed against her back, from chest all the way down to ankles. His right arm that once was draped, was now wrapped tightly around her waist. She knew she couldn’t get out of his grasp, she was trapped until he decided to let her go. She battled her lustful thoughts and her body’s natural response like Joan of Arc fought the English: she was virtuous, valiant, and ultimately unsuccessful. She tried not to think of how she liked being at his mercy, knowing full well he would never hurt her. Or how many nights she had pleasured herself to thoughts of him in this very bed. 

She had squeezed her eyes shut to ward off the images bombarding her, but they flew open the moment she felt  _ it _ . She wasn’t stupid, she knew about the birds and the bees, she knew how male bodies functioned, but to feel it was something different. He had been very respectful in all the other times they had slept next to each other, very careful that she wouldn’t see or feel that part of him. It was warmer than the rest of his body, and pushed up against her lower back she could feel just how  _ big _ it was. She’d of course thought about it before, they  _ were _ going to get married once upon a time, and she knew based on everything else on his body that he would be large, but none of that prepared her. 

Though overheated, freshly awoken, and slightly alarmed, she had no desire to move away. She willed her heart to slow, fearing that it beat so hard he could feel it through her back and that it would wake him. She willed in vain, for her heart would always beat hardest for him, and he was already stirring awake. 

His breath came faster through his nose, tickling the hairs at the back of her neck. His arm pulled her impossibly closer and his hardness twitched against her. She stopped breathing altogether when he buried his face in her hair, inhaling it’s scent, then ran his nose down the sensitive skin of her neck before placing a tiny kiss in the curve where neck meets shoulder. When it started again, her chest heaved with shallow breaths. 

He must have known she was awake, felt the electricity coursing through her, between them. She squeezed her eyes shut even though the room was dark. She was terrified: torn between the fear of jumping off this cliff with him and the fear of never having this opportunity again. She didn’t want to see, only feel. If she  _ saw _ she might regret. And she  _ felt _ his arm loosen around her, his hand spanning her whole belly, fingers brushing the skin above her waistband where her top rode up.

He pulled on her hip to turn her at the exact moment that she made up her mind. Her eyes opened in shock, more so at their weird soulmate mind-meld than his bold action. She yielded easily to him, letting him turn her to face him and pull her close again, this time nose to nose. She had no choice but to look at him, his eyes pulled her in. They spoke to her the way they had since the very beginning: dark, intense, soft, warm, dominant, and pleading all at once. He told her what he wanted,  _ needed _ , and asked her if it’s what she wanted (needed) too, without words. So she answered him without words.

She kissed him so gently, so hesitantly. Since their almost-kiss on the pier a few nights prior they had been tiptoeing around each other, every glance filled with such  _ meaning _ . This was their first kiss in over a year, the kiss she never thought she would feel again. He didn’t push her, he could sense her fear, but he did kiss back ever so lightly. She could feel his heart pounding under her hands, and it was comforting to know she wasn’t alone. 

She pulled back and their eyes met again. His were hooded and black, but even in the dim light she could see the fear there, not of what they were about to do, but the fear that she might slip through his fingers. She remembered that he said she was the only person he ever feared. She understood now. She kissed him harder this time. Kissed away all his fears and doubts.

They deftly removed each other’s clothes between languid kisses. Time moved differently in their world, there was urgency but not haste. He was so gentle, but with the promise of power. She was unassuming, but with an adamance that made no room for questions. 

They had enough self awareness to know to keep quiet, the door wasn’t locked and there were other family members asleep under the same roof. The soft sounds of cloth falling from limbs, hands caressing skin, and lips pressing together were enough to stoke her arousal. 

His breath came faster the fewer clothes she had on. She knew that he knew what to do, that he had done this before, as much as she didn’t want to think about it. In a way it gave her confidence, and oddly it seemed to make him more tentative. After her socks and pants went and her breasts were freed, his hands started to shake. She didn’t know if it was just two years of built up sexual tension, or if he was afraid of hurting her, but she placed his large palm over her left breast to calm him, to tell him to go further. Her heart beat against his hand, right where it was always meant to be. 

She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck, gently pulling his hair out of it’s bun. His hand left her breast to slide down her side to her hip, pulling her flush with him. The more she ran her hands through his long locks the deeper his kisses became. When she pulled on the strands his hips bucked into hers, his hardness against her making her stomach flip. 

She broke away from him to pull his over-large shirt from his body. He was so beautiful, hard muscles and soft skin. Her mouth watered and she knew she was staring, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. He put her hand over his heart, over the albatross tattoo, and she brought her eyes up to his. They were as fathomless and dark as the bottom of the sea. But under the pool of desire she could see the vast oceans of love in them. 

Something was happening now, something they could never turn back from. It started a little bit awkward, a tight space and a body’s natural reaction. It inevitably shifted into something more, something deeper. Their souls were uniting. There was no use resisting, when two people are born for each other it is a sin to keep them apart. So they dove in.

Their mouths reunited, their naked chests pressed together, this time with her under him. He made quick work of his socks, underwear, and shorts, then slid his fingers under the waistband of her panties. They didn’t talk about what they were doing, or ask if anything they did was okay, they just  _ knew _ . She knew what he liked, and he knew what she wanted. He liked it when she stroked his beard and grabbed his face to bring it to hers for a kiss. She wanted his hands on her bare skin, pulling her panties down and out of the way. 

There was an odd sense of calm over them for two people who had waited two years for this moment. Now that there were no barriers between them it was as if they were their true selves. Like Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, they let their instincts guide them. 

He hovered above her, between her thighs. She arched her back, grazing her nipples against the dusting of hair on his chest. His fingers brushed the soft hair above her womanhood. Her breath caught in her throat when she felt his finger slip inside. He swallowed hard when he felt how wet she was for him. She wanted more, she was ready.

He lined himself up with her entrance, her little hand reaching down to feel him and to help find the right spot. All the air in his lungs came out in a whoosh just at the light touch of her fingertips. Then he was sliding in and her breathing stopped. It didn’t hurt, but the feeling was foreign to her. This feeling of stretching and filling was something she had never known but had craved, and only wanted to feel with him. 

She knew that they would fit like puzzle pieces, like a lock and key, because they were made for each other. But she had no frame of reference for how it would  _ feel _ . To feel him over her and in her, she felt shielded, protected, desired, cherished, and  _ whole _ . He touched her gently, but kissed passionately. He pushed in slow, but with a confidence that let her know what he was fully capable of. 

She needed to touch all of him. His beard, his hair, his broad shoulders, his back, his chest. Her hands mapped him out, and all of him was hers. The more she touched him the more he came undone. His hips snapped sharply into hers and both of their breathing became ragged. She dug her nails into the skin of his shoulder blade and arched her back further, telling him not to stop. His heavy breathing tickled the skin behind her ear as she kissed and suckled the skin on his neck, just under his beard. She found he was particularly sensitive there, and she made up her mind then and there to discover all of his secret spots, even if it took a lifetime. 

He had reached a pace now that she never would have thought possible, or comfortable, but she couldn’t get enough. She was so close, and even though they had never done this before she could tell he was too. A tilt of her hips and a deliciously hard thrust and she was gone. She was just barely cognizant enough to shut her mouth and bury her face in his neck to muffle her scream. He wasn’t so careful, letting out a long grunt and a soft moan as he spilled inside her. 

She held tight to him for a while after, afraid he would disappear like he did in her dreams. He let much of his weight rest on her without thinking about it, but she liked the feeling. His breathing slowed and his hardness softened so he moved off of her. He walked quietly to the back of her door where her bath towel hung, looking over his shoulder at her the whole time. She supposed he was memorizing her the way she was him. Naked in the dim light from the window, flushed and a little sweaty from what they had just done; their truest forms. 

He brought the towel back to her and helped her get up so they could clean up. The way he cleaned himself then carefully helped her dress was so erotic she nearly gave up on clothes altogether so she could lay naked and tagled up with him all night. She wanted him again and she could tell he wanted her, but it was already nearly dawn and their siblings were a room away. This wasn’t supposed to happen, she remembered suddenly. Everything in her screamed how right it was, how she had never felt more herself than she had when she was with him. But she would have to settle for sleeping next to him for now.

He curled back into his spot on the inside of the bed, now fully dressed. She sat down gingerly, unsure of how this should go now. But he pulled her down into the comfort of his arms and she realized how tired she really was. He wasn’t the only one who slept more peacefully when they were together. 

Maybe she should have told him she loved him before they had sex. Maybe they should have been back together first, or married, but she couldn’t bring herself to care and she knew he didn’t either. And maybe they should have used some type of protection, but they seemed beyond that stage somehow, like their love was this wild creature that could not be contained in any way. 

She fell asleep on his chest, content with her choices, content for the first time in a year.

************************************************************************************************

Three weeks later she took a test. 

It was positive.

She was the happiest she had ever been in her life. 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been inspired in what feels like forever, but when I saw the on izleme come on right after the last scene I freaked out! My mind wandered, my music was perused, and voila! I hope you like it. 
> 
> It took longer than anticipated to get my groove back so this is a little late, but hopefully still good. I sort of wanted to challenge myself to use all descriptions and no words of dialogue and I'm proud of how it turned out.


End file.
